Este fue un escrito que encontré de hace ya un tiempo atrás, pero que encuentro todavía relevante. Se refiere a el alcoholismo, una enfermedad tan grave que envuelve y afecta a toda la familia y, como en mi caso, la destruye.
Encontré formulas para reconstruir la pérdida de mi auto estima que es el arma típica que el alcohólico utiliza para sentirse en control de su entorno. Pero que a la final, es devastadora para todos los miembros de la familia.
Este es un tema que me gustaría desarrollar con mas profundidad un poco mas adelante, mientras tanto los dejo con mi escrito..
Viendo hacia atrás.
He pasado por la vida entre mil encuentros bellos, encuentros con lo increíble y lo inefable y con aquello que sin ser estable, me mostró de la vida la parte oscura y lo mezquino.
Al reflexionar en mis recuerdos y sopesarlos, encontré que lo lindo es mas notable, y aquello que duele no se graba aunque tampoco se elimina, Te queda allí vagabundo en el recuerdo como para poder alejarlo de la mente al vislumbrarlo.
He buscado en la vida lo mas sano, autenticidad sobre mentira, empatía sobre egoísmo, comprensión sobre rencor, y, entre mis conocidos, a los auténticos. No así entre los amores que llegaron. Y, aunque la vida me entregó amores profundos, en el fondo fueron todos pasajeros.
El mas importante de ellos, cambió con el curso de los tiempos. De ésa compenetración completa que tuvimos, de poder llegar a vernos con la verdad desnuda, sin dobleces y de poder entregar lo que eres sin reparo, todo fue sustituido a las finales por una enfermedad insana que arrebata todo: la botella!
Fue duro enfrentarlo y me rompió el pecho en mil pedazos. Cada pedazo, una emoción desesperada, una rabia y una rebeldía, una desesperanza nunca ocurrida antes.
Quede quebrada y rota como una muñeca descartada. Nunca podré levantarme, pensaba, pero encontré fuerza en donde no existía y me aferré a lo que la vida me entregaba.
Al mirar hacia atrás puedo decir, que si bien no he aprendido la lección completamente, he podido encontrar en cada instancia algo valioso y ahora muy preciado, saber que lo que no te quiebra, te refuerza.
Después de esa experiencia apocalíptica, y de recoger las piezas que quedaron, me levante con fuerza, valiente, casi invencible y reconocí por dentro a la guerrera que mi padre mencionaba, la que no se doblega ante la vida, la que aprendió a doblarse como el junco al desbordar el río, que se levanta fuerte cuando la riada pasa, y reconstruí a mi persona de forma diferente a la frágil muñeca que quebraron.
Aprendí a sonreír de nuevo, a ver lo bello del planeta, a tener compasión por el quebranto humano, y aún sin poder abrazar el concepto totalmente, a reconstruir mi fortaleza y mi voz interna. Aprendi también a no doblegarme mas ante la vida, a vivir sin perder el norte, así como a detenerme ante la adversidad, buscando reconocer el regalo que esta vez está para entregarme.
Edited by Violeta Lytton
Admirable el proceso que ha escogido. Hablar en publico de su catarsis es loable.
Ha sido un proceso necesario para mi.
Tratando también de iluminar el camino de otros, compartiendo estas experiencias.
Juani, Cada vez que lo leo, encuentro mas y mas en tus escritos y crece mas mi admiracion por ti.
Gracias por tus comentarios tan positivos. Me ayuda saberlo!
Juani linda, te acabo de re encontrar como hija de una de las mejores amigas de mi adorada Mom que se amaron desde chiquitas hasta que partió tu mamá. Pero mas que re encontrar esa Juani hija, he encontrado una mujer que trasciende. Gracias por permitirme leer tu blog. Qué fuerte y qué tierno: Tus aportes son invaluables para quienes se sienten acorralados y/o perdidos. Seguí con tus escritos pues también me alimento de ellos. GRACIAS!
Te agradezco enormemente tus frases y el traerme el recuerdo de mamá. Muy cierto, fueron amigas entrañables y la amistad viene de ya cuatro generaciones.
Aca seguire escribiendo sobre mis experiencias con la mira de que esto no sea mas que un camino que otros podrian seguir y alentar a salir adelante con ello.
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